Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's leading hosts spent their evening ridiculing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan which enables international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. The program's page pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best screening the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.